Birthing Soul

Psyche's underworld

Life is replete, fraught with ups and downs. Dark emotions draw you down into the underworld of the psyche to incubate, marinade, to just be - inside yourself. Only to be drawn back up again to the topside world by laughter and giggles of little ones begging for kisses on their necks before nap. The stress of frantically chasing 2 year olds in the bookstore as they hide and seek from me melts as we walk out into a warm summer downpour hand in hand in hand. Drenched in our summer clothes, sparkling water dripping down our bare shoulders. But happy.

 

Life is full of the cycle of birth and growth, of culmination, fullness and fertility. Only to move into the cycle of decline and eventual death. The incubation of darkness. The underside of things. We see it on the grand scale of our life: the journey from birth to death. We see it yearly as the seasons weave their way through time. Even monthly we see it happen as the moon moves methodically through her phases. Who's to say we don't see it every day, on a smaller level. The cycling of emotions and feelings. Not so much the roller coaster of drama and tragedy, but the normal ups and downs that we go through.

 

It's time to embrace this entire process. Not just the beautiful spring and summer times of the soul, but the dark times as well. The times we run from. The darkness that we pump ourselves full of antidepressants or addictive soul-numbing substances to avoid. No, it's time to quit running and embrace even the darkness.

 

Where you go down into the dark and heavy place. Down, down into the core of your soul. The underworld. The underside of things where reality is flipped, or maybe it's more real. You see with different eyes. You feel with different receptors. Down into that place where you cease to do, or to analyze, or to think... you just are. You just be.

 

You sit and dine with the daemons. Anger. Betrayal. Pain. Rejection. Abandoned. Alone. You embrace the shadowy things, the parts you can't see from the topside. The feelings, sensations, emotions feel heavy, they draw you down. It's your soul's beckoning to come commune in the darkness. Where death and pain aren't something to be feared but embraced.

 

And as you go down into the core of your being, into the depths, you face the skeletons that lay at the floor, hang on the walls... you face the demons that fly passed; hovering, flitting, swarming around you, for this is their lair. You look at death in the face and instead of running in terror, you crawl inside it like a dark, warm womb. And you incubate, you feel, you just be... and wait for the moment of rebirth. For it is only in embracing death that new life can form.

 

And then sometimes without even knowing it, you are propelled back out to the topside world. Maybe there's an explosion of golden sparkles that erupt and shower around you. But more often than not, it happens in a simple moment, an instant without any fanfare at all. Sometimes there's a longer laboring process, intense and painful in itself, where you and the primal force of Life, work together with contractions, pushings and groanings, squishings and squeezings until you are propelled from the dark womb. Reborn.

 

However it happens, once you emerge the world looks a bit different. You are a bit different. In the midst of death, you've touched a bit more of Soul, of the substance of life, and in so doing, bring it back with you. A sort of gift from the underworld. A diamond, or ruby, or sapphire that is only found inside the depths, down in the darkness.

 

Life in the upper world indeed is beautiful. Spring rainbows...summer showers and girlie giggles warm the heart. But the essence of life is found down below, in the cold, dark wintry places. Without going down, we can never truly enjoy the beauty. And without death, there will never be new life.

Birthing Soul Forum - Podcast - Home

Rethinking Fidelity

Fidelity, faithfulness, loyalty. We think of these words as they relate to others in our lives, usually a spouse or significant other. We require it of others, we require it of ourselves. But how often is that faithfulness turned inward? When are we taught to be faithful to ourselves? To the quiet voice within. When have we even been taught to give ear to that voice, to our own needs? No no, that would be selfish, we are taught. We shouldn't have needs or desires, especially if they don't coincide with the welfare of others. We should sacrificially deny ourselves for others, that's how you truly live, right? Wrong. That's how you kill your soul.

There needs to be a complete redefinition of fidelity. We need to first learn to be true to ourselves, faithful to the inner processes, the workings, the inklings that we have, and not try to push them, stifle them or attempt to create them the way they "should" be from someone elses perspective, or even our own perspective skewed by culture or the pressure of compassion.

When I look at relationships, I see a process. Attraction and connection turn into love. Love turns into exclusiveness and fidelity. Fidelity to another without being faithful to yourself turns into obligation. And obligation turns into contempt. Not exactly the recipe for lifelong happiness. Not a recipe for a vivid inner soul life either.

How many times have we roped ourselves into a relationship, because that's what we should have wanted. Or because we felt pressured by society or family, or by the inner voices that echo their sentiments. How many times have we done what was expected of us in any area of life, stayed within the box not because it was feeding us, but because it was safe? Yet in the process killed off a part of our soul.

So situations arise where we could choose to follow our true heart. We feel passion arise in us, twinges of desire. Body, heart, soul yearnings. And yet we are confused as to what to do. We have been taught to be good little girls (and boys), and "behave" in such and such a way because that is the "proper" way. We confuse fidelity to a cause, to a belief system, to expectations or even another person with fidelity to ourselves and our soul and so wind up in such a jumbled muck of a mess, walls plastered with confusion, pain and death.

Well I'm through with proper! Done being good and only coloring in the lines! Good for what? For who? For me or for someone else? For some expectation of fidelity that I was roped into following? For someone elses expectation of what my life should be? When does being faithful to myself come in?? True, I don't want to hurt anyone, but I've lived my whole life thinking about other people's feelings, or how they will think of me. When have I actually lived for me? When have I actually heard my own inklings and followed them?! When?!? We are trained not to think of ourselves. Listening to our soul yearnings is somehow selfish and evil. Well I say when we ignore those yearnings, we start killing off parts of ourselves. And that is more evil.

No, I'm not advocating infidelity, or blindly following whims at the expense and pain of others. But I am advocating a sort of fidelity that is to ourselves first and foremost. Fidelity is defined as a notion that implies a truthful connection to a source or sources. Society and history have defined that source as something outside of us, a lord or master as in the feudal times, or a spouse or lover in modern times. But I want to redefine that source not as something outside of ourselves, but rather as the inward source, the soul.

What if expectations in relationships were different?! What if fidelity said "hey, whatever happens, I want you to be true to your own heart, your own inklings, your own desires (being that they aren't completely addictive and dysfunctional). However that coincides with my inklings, heart and desires, sobeit. When the circles overlap, beautiful, when they don't, they don't! If being true to your heart means something painful for me, I deal with it and realize that I'm not fully in the place where I'm willing to let you live instinctually, and that somehow I need to get there." It would take a lot of openness and a healthy dose of self love. But, it would be real!

And then translate that to every area of our lives. Where fidelity first and foremost is in listening to our inner voices, really hearing them and following them. Doing nothing out of obligation, societal pressure, or fear. Relationships of all sorts would take on a different flavor. Life itself would begin to change, and we would finally begin to understand what it is to live life vividly and love ourselves and in the process love others - deeply, from the soul.

Birthing Soul Forum - Podcast - Home